Holes
by FigFan
Summary: Sam has some post- ITSOTG angst..


Title: Holes (1/1)  
Summary: He needs to get out.  
Author: FigFan  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: Aint mine.  
Feedback: FigFan2002@yahoo.com  
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He needs to get out.  
  
They're all waiting to see Josh, have been for over 5 hours. Sitting in the lounge, just waiting. The President has been in there for well past the posted visiting times, but he's the President, and no one is going to call him on it. Leo and Charlie are in there with him, Abbey and Zoey have left for the White House.   
  
He looks over and a slight smile of relief passes over his face. Donna has fallen asleep, head on Toby's shoulder, finally getting much needed rest. She's been the one waiting, praying, refusing to leave until she can see Josh. But sleep has caught up with her, and there she is, tears still staining her cheek, fingers still clutching her ID. The whole scenario seems unreasonable. But then again, is anything reasonable anymore? Toby looks somewhat uncomfortable, but he doesn't try to move her. Instead he slowly rubs his hand up and down her arm, hoping to quiet the whimpers he hears every so often. He told her about Josh's condition, he feels that he needs to comfort her as well.   
  
He promised Abbey he wouldn't leave everyone, but he needs to get out. He looks at Toby, eyes pleading, and is out the door before he can silently mouth, "Go."  
  
He finds her pacing the hallway outside of Josh's room. He needs to get out, she needs to get in. He can't bear to see what has happened to his friend, she needs to see so it'll all seem real.   
  
Her hands are on her hips, her head down, examining the tiles. She doesn't sense his presence, and when he touches her on the shoulder, she jumps. He flinches at her response, then curses himself for momentarily forgetting everything that has unfolded in the past 24 hours.   
  
"You should sleep." He knows this statement applies to him as well, but he'd rather stay in denial.   
  
She keeps pacing.  
  
"The President will be done soon. I need-I think it would be better if I go in there. For my briefings."   
  
He leans against the wall and runs a hand through his hair. "You need sleep too."   
  
"I've gone without sleep before." A little more edge in her voice.   
  
He chooses not to answer, and puts all his weight against the wall. He's beginning to feel the force of the day close in on him, and he doesn't think he can take it.   
  
They stay like this for a while, her pacing back and forth, him watching every move she makes.   
  
Their strange ritual is interrupted by a door opening. She leaps to attention, he stays in his spot. Leo walks out, takes one look at them, and tells them what they've been hearing for the past 12 hours.   
  
"You two should get some sleep."   
  
"I just want to go in there. Give me two minutes." She's stopped pacing, at least momentarily.   
  
"Visiting hours are over."  
  
"The President is still in there."   
  
"The President has his own visiting hours."   
  
The pacing begins again. "Two minutes-"  
  
"CJ.."  
  
"That's all I need-"  
  
"I'm telling you to get some sleep. Look at you two. The country isn't going to stop because the Deputy Chief of Staff got shot!"  
  
With that, she explodes. "DAMMIT, Leo! We're asking for TWO minutes. We were shot at as well! *We* saw Josh hit the ground. *We* watched as his shirt turned red! We watched as his heart stopped on the way to the hospital! I'm asking for TWO DAMN MINUTES."   
  
Leo turns and walks away, and she watches him, fire burning in her eyes. As soon as he leaves her line of sight she turns and punches the wall. Hard.   
  
She then turns and faces him. He braces himself, waiting for the barrage of words that's sure to come. He knows he hasn't done anything wrong, but he is more than willing to be the punching bag for her.   
  
He awaits the words, but instead, tears come. And he doesn't know how to handle it. She's not supposed to cry. She's supposed to keep them together, keep them strong, get them through this. But here she is, crying, and he doesn't know how to handle it.   
  
So he does the only thing that feels right. He opens his arms and envelops her. The tears are coming faster now, harder, and with every shake of her shoulders he holds her tighter.   
  
He sees a glint of silver on her neck, and then his tears are falling too. Tears because they've been through so much so fast, tears because Josh is alive, tears because the President is alive, tears because she's alive.   
  
He sees it as a release of sorts. They couldn't cry before. Not in front of the press. Not in front of the President. And soon enough, the tears subside. And they are left standing there, without a real reason to be.   
  
"Sam..." she whispers, her voice hitching on one last remain of a sob.  
  
"I know," is all he says. And it's all he needs to say.   
  
She gives him a soft kiss, another tight squeeze.   
  
And then the door opens again, and the President walks out.   
  
They break away and face him. Their eyes are red, faces wet, and clothes rumpled. He says nothing to them, just gives them the slightest of nods before walking back to his own room. The Secret Serivce agent leaves the door open, but they don't walk in.   
  
Instead, they head back to the lounge, where Toby has fallen asleep still rubbing Donna's arm, and where Leo is napping in a chair. They shouldn't stay at the hospital all night, but they will. She sinks into a chair, fatigue draining her of all energy. He sits down next to her, and almost immediately her hand is in his, and he can hear her breathing slow.  
  
He won't sleep yet. It'll come eventually, but not yet. He thinks of Josh, with a hole in his chest. He thinks of Donna, with a hole in her heart. Leo has no holes, but his armor has been dented a bit. He looks at Toby, can see the dried blood still embedded in his nails. He then looks at CJ, drifting off next to him, with a hole in her spirit. He moves so that she is resting on him, and he tries to get comfortable.   
  
Maybe he'll sleep. Maybe he'll just sit here and hold her.   
  
He wants to fix everyone's holes, but he can't.   
  
He needs to fix his own holes first.   
  
END 


End file.
